I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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