i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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