We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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