he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
