i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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