dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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