The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
