why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
