So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
