how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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