I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
