Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
