A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
