like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
