Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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