Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
