I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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