I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
