I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
