the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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