I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
