I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
