a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
