Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
