I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
