im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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