So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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