told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
