new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
