what if every blade of grass was a penis?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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