My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
