Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
