Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
