Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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