remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
