i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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