i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
