I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When are your genitals available?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
