So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
