in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
