what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
