Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize