I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
