so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
