Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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