I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
