There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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