I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
