i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
