so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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