Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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