Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
did i just pee glitter
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
