Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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