Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
