I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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