i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
