If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
