i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
