She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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