Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
