I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
