I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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