everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
