Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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