Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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