...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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