Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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