captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's great music for shaving your balls
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
