Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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