I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
