My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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