Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize