good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize